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Fear of Love

Love, fear, smile, sorrow

A lovely face with beautiful smile comes in my mind whenever I remember Simran. Round face, attractive eyes, a red bindi on forehead and a lovely smile on her face.

I came to Delhi few days back. I use to live in DDA flats, but I don’t feel like to live over here because I haven’t started much conversation with my nearby neighbors, so that I can sit and chat with them.

One day in afternoon I was sleeping suddenly the door bell rang. Slowly I opened the door; I saw a young, beautiful and smart lady was standing at the door. She was holding a bag, wearing sunglasses and a bindi on her forehead. I was just about say something, she smiled and came inside the house. As she sat on chair she said that, “you seem to be new in this colony”. I got surprised as nobody came to my house before. But she was so lovely and kind that I liked to talk to her. During the chat I asked that she knows how to sew a shirt button. Could you please sew my shirt button? She said “Yes, Yes”, She spoke with an excitement. While Sewing, I offered her a cup of coffee and we started talking. After sewing my shirt she left for her home.

This was my first meeting with Simran. Only in first meeting I thought of a good relation between us. After meeting her I thought that I know her for many years. Her behavior and attitude towards me was good. She sewed my shirt without any problem. For the first time in my life I spoke to a stranger and that too with a girl like this. Deepika, my neighbor told me that her name is Simran and she was a salesgirl. She dresses up decently. She sells cosmetics and other items to ladies of colony.

But I have never seen Simran in makeup. She wears a simple red bindi, which use to glow her face. I think people don’t like her body language of laughing all the time and being open minded. But I think she was cool and lovely lady. I started liking her and we started meeting each other. Her nature and mind was clear and good.

Everyday I use to wait for her. Sometimes I use to buy some cosmetics from her. Sometimes she use to bring food for me at home. She use to prepare luscious food.

One day Simran who use to gloom everyday was looking sad. I asked her “what happened, you need any help?” She said “charu is unwell and she can’t see it”, after saying this drop of tear dropped from her eyes. Charu was her daughter name. I got shocked!!?? Because she never spoke about her daughter. Charu was blind, deaf and dumb from her childhood. After hearing all this I a tear came out of my eyes because I thought a lady who has so many problems in her life, how can she laugh all the time?? I gave her a glass of water and asked her to stop weeping now. She said, “ I never cry infront of anyone, but you are my good friend.” I was desperate to meet to her daughter Charu, so I asked her come with her.

Next day she came in a scooty with her daughter, I saw that a fair girl around 8 years old was hugging her from back. “Simran hold her hands” I shouted but Simran smiled and came upstairs. Holding railing in her hands Charu came upstairs very easily. What a lovable kid she was. Nobody can say she was blind, dumb and deaf. Sometimes she stands on sofa and sit on my laps. “Don’t get scared, she will not fall” Simran smiled after my concern toward Charu. When Simran was leaving I hugged charu and gave her chocolate. I felt as if she is mine daughter too.

I started thinking of Simran now all the time. How she can laugh all the time when her daughter is like…she was hiding her problem by laughing. After watching all this I got a respect for her now.
Next day in the morning Simran came to house. I couldn’t recognize her as she was wearing western. She was looking gorgeous. I complemented her and asked why you don’t wear these kinds of clothes? She said, “if I started wearing these clothes then ladies will not allow her to come their house to sell, as their husband will start looking at her only and hence she will loose her customer.” I laughed.

Then I got it why ladies are jealous of her. I asked her about her past. She replied, “ I use to live at Nanital. I got an affair with a Rajan, of his college only. I was happy with him so much. After few years we decided to get married but my family wasn’t allowing us because I was upper cast than the cast of Rajan, and then I decided to run from my house to marry him. We came to delhi and got married. We were living happily. One day I announced good news that he is going to be a father after 9 months. He was so happy and got crazy after hearing this all. We decided to celebrate the occasion together. We celebrated it. In night after celebration we were returning in our car. He said, “Simran today you have given all the happiness and a power to me.” While we were talking suddenly a truck came and we got an accident. Rajan died on the spot. Due to accident charu became deaf, blind and dumb. After listening to her past I cried, I thought how she can even think of smiling if this tragedy has happened to her.
After a week I got a letter of transfer of promotion from office but I was being transferred to Jaipur. I was happy and upset too. I was happy of being promoted and sad of being away from Simran. I called Simran and told her reach CP urgently. At CP I saw she was happy to meet me as usual she wearing a smile on her face which I don’t want to steal it by telling her. We went to restaurant. In restaurant I was about to sit, she asked me about my promotion... I showed her the promotion letter but I was not able contact into her eyes. After reading the letter she felt downhearted. She said, “If you will go I will feel lonely and sad”. I was also feeling sad to leave her. I was not able to express openly that I LOVE HER because there was fear in me inside. I promised her that I will Delhi soon. After that she didn’t uttered a word and we left for our home

I was asked to reach Jaipur within Monday. I got a flight in the afternoon. On the arrival day the morning I was calling Simran’s phone, but it was switched off. I was waiting for her that she will meet me before leaving, but she didn’t come. After so long waiting I left for the airport.

At the airport I was feeling a guilt that why I didn’t shared my feeling with her. I my life Simran was the main stage who taught me lesson of living a life with laugh even if u got so much of problem. There is long distance between us but she is now close to my heart and will remain forever.
Published: 2008-08-20
Author: Saksham Sagar Sawlani

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