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Humour : Dentists and Patients

Dentist, Patients, Humour,

Humour

Dentists and patients have relationships that border on blind trust, debilitating dependency, mild fear and in worst cases; hysteria. Here is a humorous account of what happens when you are forced to visit a dentist and become his hapless patient

Tryst with a Dentist

A painful denture can stick out like a sore thumb in an otherwise uneventful and mildly pleasant course of life. However sore thumbs must be dealt with as you finally decide to keep your rendezvous with a Dr. Dolittle, except that you hope he won’t have to do much. But of course there you are, a few minutes early stepping into the welcoming foyer of your revered healer.

Fresh white gladioli on the glistening glass table top lull you into a pleasant sense of complacency. You settle down into the cushy chair, its upholstery reminding you of your favourite shade of honey. Numbers are being called out to usher in each patient and yours seems further away. Slow music delicately wafts into your ears and you let out a deep sigh. You might as well be whiling away your time inside the queenly harem of a madame in a sleazy suburb full of anticipation for a forbidden pleasure tucked away from prying eyes. However the heavens are not always so kind. The incessant ache in your right gum reminds you why you are here.

The dentist with the jovial smile is one of the most lethal kinds. He will welcome you with a thump on your back, crack a few nonsensical jokes and go out of his way to make you feel comfortable. You laugh nervously but soon he has assured you that he is the kindly soul on whom you can rely in your deepest darkest hour. Ever so gently he will urge you to open your jaws wide; wider still, he will coax gently till you think you can almost hear your skull creaking. Since you don’t want to offend his genial self, you will oblige; just a few moments more you promise the dull ache that begins to threaten your jaw muscles. You close your eyes shut, waiting for the piercing prick in the soft underside of your gum. He potters around a bit gently probing around your sore tooth while you wait for catastrophe to descend. Just when you are almost going to burst from swallowing your saliva for too long, a gentle perfumed dab on your sore gum plunges you into a world of ecstasy. You open your eyes in gratitude to the angel who lived up to his promises. Expecting to see his gentle eyes bathing you with compassion, you receive a jolt. A sudden fear seizes you. That intent devilish gaze could only belong to a man possessed!

While your befuddled mind fumbles feebly for answers, you are stunned to see the sharp point of a lance advancing towards you. The last thing you remember about the weapon is that it was used by the Neanderthals to stab predators. Paralyzed with fear, you barely register the silent threat in his impassioned whisper “Keep still” he says, his voice a deathly grip on your survival instincts. And then the torture begins. Now you realise that the Chinese only pretended. This was the real thing! Just when you think the thundering drill going on somewhere inside your head is going to blow your skull to smithereens, it stops! Don’t be fooled! The devil is only just catching his breath. “This might hurt a little, but it’ll soon be over” he reassures breaking your myth that the worst is over.

By the time he has finished, your sense of preservation has been flattened into unrecognisable pulp and you crawl out of your dazed state determined to bombard him with indignant accusation. However a hoarse croak leaves your lips as you protest mildly “you could have used anaesthesia”. A brow is raised and the jovial smile is back in place as he taps his fingers to a slow waltz “No point! No point at all! “He offers as if placating the slow witted. “I wasn’t extracting your tooth, only excavating” he explains magnanimously. “Next time” he promises.

The receptionist; dear soul looks at you with understanding eyes as you manage to uphold your dignity and totter past the ailing souls in the waiting room. You look down triumphantly at the faintly hopeful look in the eyes of the six-pack bicep bearing muscled giant awaiting his number. He is regarding you with gentle curiosity. You throw back a mildly contemptuous look as you flex your puny shoulders, a devilish smile spreading on your otherwise cowering visage. Ha! I came, I saw, I conquered! Until next time!
Published: 2008-03-14
Author: Chaitalie Shukla

About the author or the publisher
Freelance Writer Chaitalie Shukla specialises in writing blogs, articles and e-books. With a degree in management combined with a corporate work history, she has taken to professional writing for the past seven years. With the mind of a learner, she explores the ever-changing world of business practices, technological support systems and management styles. She also writes for children and dabbles in humour. Because what's life without a little fun!

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