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Love You Love You Too = Love Myself

Love you, love you too, self love

The wide open, most serene, most beautiful heaven created by the Grand for one creation; “Man”. The mountains, the fountains, the scenery, the fruits, all the blues and whites of peace and joy, but Adam did not like it there! The beauty, the freedom, the abundance nothing satisfied him. He needed something more; he needed a mate, his soul and body mate, someone like him, who could see him, appreciate him, more appropriately love him. He needed above all things to love and to be loved. But when he asked God for a mate, what was he actually wishing to have? Did he want to give Eve something when he gave words to his desire or did he just want to end his loneliness? What was in it for Eve when Adam needed her? His greatest appetite after all was not hunger alone!

Love, in all its forms; physical or metaphysical, it seems has been the sole need of man ever since his creation. All that we do, all that we wish for, all that we aim for in our lives more or less only aims at the achievement of one prime satisfaction called love! Let us here first define love. What after all is this forceful requisite which can turn psychotics into normal human beings! Almost all dictionaries define love generally as “one’s affection for something or someone”, “A feeling of strong attachment induced by that which delights or commands admiration; preeminent kindness or devotion to another…” Even Paul Barton’s definition of love claims “Love does not expect anything but love in return.”

How naïve and at the same time clever of man to define the most self satisfaction directed drive as an unconditional package of affection and comfort for someone! The domain of love which is my focus in this article is the love of one human being for another or many others; love for a person or persons whom we are ready to give our souls, our hearts, our bodies, our money and all that is precious to us. The question that arises here is that why are we so willing to give someone else our most worthy assets in life and sometimes even afterlife? What do we gain out of this irrational motive for ourselves? Yes! We say giving is taking! All relationships aim at give and take but what is it that we take from the person with whom we are physically or metaphysically in love with, and why?

Indeed, the truth is that all love which we so proudly declare to have been given to someone by us is not something we have as a gift for free to others, but only a cajolery to gain for us more self love. Isn’t it true that love you aims at seeking only one reply which is love you too? Why do we want to hear this love you too? Isn’t “Love you” actually our plea to the beloved for “love me back for I am good?” Doesn’t this behavior reflect our sickness called self love? For in this “love you too” we find ourselves loved, we find that we are lovable; we find that we are good, we find that we are important. So this craving to seek love you too is in reality no more than I love myself; our ego, our self esteem satisfied just as an infant is satisfied to find its mother when hungry. We truly fall in love with ourselves when we hear this “love you too!” So the real satisfaction comes not from “love you” but from this “love you too” The expression therefore has nothing to do with loving or let’s say giving anything to the other person. In reality what we take from the other person is only a guarantee to legitimize our need to love ourselves; a need far stronger than our basic social needs. Isn’t the most handsome man, loved by a hundred crushed girls the most arrogant and egoistic? What is it that inflates his self esteem so tremendously and why? Yes the more he hears love you, the more he replies love you too, the more he falls in love with his self and his body for he is the most important, most attractive man on earth! It is only attraction and importance of our own selves that we get in love and this is precisely the reason why we love to be loved!

Consciously we are happy to give the other person something most extraordinary when we feel that we love him/her/them, but unconsciously we are only gaining and desiring a similar response with may be some added bonus! The actual need floats to the surface of the conscious mind when in relationships we come at the stage where the drive grows even stronger and we aim to possess the other person as our own for all time; self love personalized for eternity! It is this grand universal feeling of generosity; having the heart to give away the very best of yourself to someone that comes in a direct clash with the universal selfish nature of man; taking everything that we can from someone, when the unconscious suddenly shows at some climax part of our most sublime feelings which awaken the desire of possession in our hearts. To own the other person in body, in soul, in flesh and bone is the mirror to our ultimate desire of so called completion of self and soul. It is this possession that can be dangerous for a person if he/she is not aware of the fact that the other person has been equally fawning and boosting his self love with love you when it was they who said love you too.

Another question that comes to mind here is “Is it wrong or negative to use LOVE for boosting SELF LOVE in us?” True at first thought it seems negative as all other selfish acts of the human nature. Was Adam being selfish towards Eve when he asked for a mate? The answer is no! This cajolery is not selfishness for it rests on both the lover and the beloved. When one says love you too he/she does not only satisfy the self love of the lover but also one’s longing to hear the words love you again. Yes, it works both ways as much that if the lover is being selfish so is the beloved. Are not two negatives equal to a positive? It is built in by God in human beings; a trait which is universal in its own appeal. However, it may become negative when it is working one way only. When a man or woman dallies just in the name of coquetry and does not care about the other person who may be aiming at the possession stage, then this mode of love is negative and morally wrong. For a single negative does not equal to a positive! Such an attitude may not only be painful but a complete disaster as well.

Human beings love to be flattered! To have a smooth understanding of the greatest of human experiences; love, one must understand not only how far is he/she falling in love with themselves but also how much self love is the beloved gaining from their love you too! Whether the balance is maintained consciously or unconsciously, it makes it easier to possess and to be possessed. One must know that to nourish one’s soul and body possession is important and for this possession loving your self and making the beloved fall in love with his/her self is important. So, what are you waiting for! Fall in love with yourself and make others fall in love with them selves too rather with you!
Published: 2008-08-30
Author: Amna Saeed

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