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Management-Humor Quips

management humor, Boss,Management,Workers, Managers,Supervisors,Subordinates

MANAGEMENT-HUMOR QUIPS

WHAT ALL EXECUTIVES SHOULD KNOW

1. If your art of pleasing your boss means having to say ‘Yes Sir’, ‘Yes Sir’ all the time, then the chances of getting three bags of wool as salary should not be ruled out.

2. Remember a feather in your cap does not entitle you to fly.

3. If you wriggle and bend a lot all the time to please your boss, you may end up as the worm in his fishing hook.

4. To impress your peers and superiors always carry a file and look serious and busy in the corridors but relax and take it easy in your office.

5. Workers and Management are like a nut and bolt- united they hold the company, divided they rust and end in the scrap yard.

Corollary
Workers and Management are like a Nut and Bolt- Given work workers ‘bolt’ and managers go ‘Nuts’


6. Most of the time your ‘Education’ helps you to tell your bosses what the problem actually is but it is your workers ‘Wisdom’ that solves the problem. Hence always remember that the person who expresses the problem is always in management and the person who solves the problem is always a worker.


7. A Manager who does not know an iota of the nature of the problem and how it occurred, continuously keeps berating his subordinates for lack of knowledge- with a fond hope that they will explain in ‘Layman ‘ terms the nature of the problem and the possible solutions, so that he can explain the same to his bosses- preferably with a PowerPoint presentation-and be considered a top notch ‘Trouble-shooter’ even while his subordinates realize him as the ‘Trouble’ while they are ‘Shooting’ the problem.

8. Remember how Faraday kicked the apparatus he was experimenting on in disgust at not getting the desired result and noticed the galvanometer flicker – that brought about the famous law of electromagnetic Induction –try the same when you are frustrated by not finding solutions; especially if you are in maintenance, it works at times.

9. Hierarchy in an Organisation is always divided into three groups- Executives, Supervisors and Workers. They are akin to an electric bulb, the filament is the worker, the glass the executive and the screw cap the worker. When the filament glows the glass radiates the light the supervisor (remember the Screw cap) is firmly screwed .When the filament fuses or the glass cracks the Supervisor is the one who remains screwed.
COROLLARY
Supervisors are like butter or jam between two slices of bread –one being the executive and the other the worker. It’s the supervisor who can be ‘Licked’ all the time.

10. Remember that the Julius Caesar of the corporate world –The CEO- always exits by saying ‘Et Tu Brutes’ to the members of the board. The incoming CEO always starts by being Mark Anthony and gives his maiden praising the exited CEO and then dons the mantle of Julius Caesar- awaiting his turn.




POINTS TO REMEMBER TO BE A SUCCESSFUL EXECUTIVE

1. Remember your chances of success in the organisation is directly proportional to your ability to camouflage your ignorance, deride you peers and terrorise your subordinates- all your bosses see themselves in you.

2. If your subordinate poses a problem that is way beyond your comprehension, do not reveal your ignorance, just pretend to contemplate-the ‘Solution’ to the problem maybe just two ‘pegs’ away.


3. Always attribute delays in meeting deadlines to a bug in the software you where working on - it enhances your reputation, even if you were the bug.

4. Remember success to persons who are rare- try being a recluse, it makes you look like a genius even if you are a dud.

5. If you want to be the boss –fine- but do not make your subordinates feel you are a ‘Boss stud’.

6. It is better to rise on the palms of your subordinates than on the boots of your superiors.


INDEX OF LIFE

1. Rate the factors that govern your life like, Health, Wealth, Character, Happiness, Honesty etc, on a scale of 0 to 10 and you will be surprised to find that the product is a constant for all humans- As Honesty is the leveller.

2. In life you can be a Hero or a Nero- either make others play second fiddle or you fiddle alone.
Published: 2006-04-29
Author: Balu

About the author or the publisher
I am a qualified Electronics Engineer and a freelance writer.I write articles and books spanning Technology, Management and Sociology.

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