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Marriage Rocks: A prescription for a happy wedded life

boys, girls, children, awareness, kiss, parents, physical, attraction

Marriage Rocks
ISBN: 9788122309867
Author: Dr. Jaideep Singh Chadha
Publisher: Pustak Mahal (

Children: Extract from the book

Like I said, when the children become older, the parents want to do their own thing. They fail to notice that their children do not want them around. Since the favourite dialogue from the parents is ‘don’t do this and don’t do that’, which the children just do not want to listen to any longer. They would rather have their own friends and pass time in a group which understands their problems. Suddenly, the parents realise that the years have flown and their children are all grown up. They want to be included into their world but then it is too late. The children have already reached a stage of no return.

They have already started doting on their peers. They get so dependent upon them that they forget that they have parents too who could give better advice. For them, the advice that comes from parents is the same old unintelligent ‘do this, do that, don’t do that’ advice given to them in their childhood. So they do not even ask. The peer effect is so much that they tend to latch on to their habits as well. So smoking, drinking, and drug usage depends upon the peer group effect. If their seniors and friends partake all this stuff then it is alright for them too. Sex, crime and violence are also an offshoot of such dependency.

I have had a talk with some children who were later found out to be drinking, doing drugs and into crime. They could camouflage their thought process so well that it was almost impossible to guess what they were doing. The girls were better at deception.

It is not that all children are into anti-social activities. There are children who are hugely intelligent and who are doing so well in their studies and later on in their jobs. They are the real doers. We have all praises for them and their kind. The problem is that the percentage of the other group is so high that one wonders why they do not take the toppers as their peers. Why must they always go after the baddy group?

The questions that linger on are: • Do they think that they are superior to the generation of their parents or even that of their elder brothers and sisters? • Do earning money and getting materialistic benefits outweigh all other considerations for them? • How important is family to them? • How important is getting married? • How important are children? • How important is sex before marriage? • Why do modern generation children become so enamoured with crime and quick money? • How serious is failure in exams for them and how should the parents deal with it?

Let’s face it. Children are different these days. If I go back to my teen days, I can remember the shock that I got when I got to see my first tape recorder. I was 13 years old and could not fathom for the life of me how that revolving tape could produce such beautiful sounds.

My friend’s father had brought it from the States. So he called all of us to his house for a tea party and then demonstrated that marvellous gadget. I was presented with my first transistor radio as a prize when I passed my 10th exam in the first division. Today, it was in the papers that this student asked for the latest mobile phone after she passed her 10th exam. This happened after a time gap of 43 years.

The difference is that her photograph was in the newspaper and mine was not. My transistor radio costs Rs 800, while her mobile costs Rs 20000! In this generation, all children get what they demand for. This is just an example. Some parents must have bought their children cars or scooters or motorcycles. In my case, it was much later that I owned a tape recorder. If I remember correctly, I had already become a doctor by then. We went at a slower pace than children and youngsters of today. They have a head start. They start pressing buttons when they are toddlers.

Accordingly, they expect to be treated differently. Most likely, like adults. The problem arises with their parents because parents are not ready for the change. Children have changed, but not their parents.

The other day when a young father asked his 6-yearold son what he had learnt in his computer class in school, the son, to his father’s horror, promptly pressed a few buttons and logged on to a pornographic site. The father tried to act unaffected. He calmly asked him who taught him to do that. The son promptly said, “My seniors!”

“And how old are your seniors?” the father enquired. “Oh! Some are 7 and some are 8 years old!” So, the gentleman ventured one step ahead to find out what his son knew about the site. The son said, “They are just naked people (nangey log).” The father asked, “And?” “Bus! What else?” said the son.

My doctor friends were over from America and I asked them about the sexual knowledge of the young in the States. They said that most youngsters think that oral sex is not sex. This was a change after Mr Bill Clinton’s testimony! Everybody thinks that only penetrative sex is sex. So, they can be seen indulging in cunnilingus in schools or wherever they are comfortable and still not be ashamed or guilty.

As it is, they used to kiss any and everywhere! And their kisses were not of the garden variety. They were the soul-searching ones which were deep. For them, kissing lips and kissing a penis and vice-versa, is no different.

I remember, my friend living in England, used to come to stay in Chandigarh with his family every year. He had a British wife and two lovely children. One year, the daughter who was about 18 that year, showed me her tongue. Right in the middle of it was a metallic bead the size of a pea. I wondered what purpose that bead served. I have had, on occasion a single hair on my tongue and the effect was so unnerving that I had to remove it, no matter what. It was so irritating! And, this girl had a metal bead on her tongue, a screw penetrating it, secured with a nut on the other side!

And her father turns around and asks, “Darling! How on earth do you kiss your boyfriend with that thing there?” The daughter turns around and says, “No Dad! It doesn’t bother us at all! My boyfriend has one too. The only problem is that when we kiss, there are a few balls clanging!” And everyone laughed his guts out. I was embarrassed, for some reason. I was an outdated dad there. In the Indian scenario, we do not discuss these things with our children, least of all daughters. I would have been appalled had I known that my daughter has a boyfriend. Kissing??? Having sex??? I would have hit the roof and the result would have been a BANG! He is six feet under, and I am in lock up.

But that was ten years ago. Today, I would probably have reacted the way modern parents should. Am I sure?—Take a guess! And how should modern parents react? We know that children, as in infants, begin to discover their sexuality very early in their lives. Parents actively try to prevent the playing around with their sexual organs because the act embarrasses them.

When I was a child, my father was so stingy that he did not give me toys. I was lucky that I was a boy, so I had something to play with!

As the children grow, they discover the difference in each other and begin playing their doctor-doctor games. It is but natural that they progress with the physical discovery as time goes on. But when girls grow up, they have the inbuilt shyness quotient which prevents them from carrying on their doctor games. Some of them discover other girls, differences in breast sizes and other physical aspects. Though they are not gay in the parlance that is normally used, it is just a matter of discovery of the pleasure aspect of the human body. Boys do that too! But in the present generation, the shyness quotient is rather low while the attraction towards the opposite sex is high. Moreover, having boyfriends is the commonly followed norm.

There was a small boy who asked his father the usual embarrassing question, “Dad! How did you come into this world?” Dad says, “I was dropped off at my mom’s home by a stork.” “And dad, how did I come?” “Another stork dropped you off at our home.” Dad was feeling mightily pleased with himself till then. “Why dad, was there never a tradition of having sex in our family?”

Moral of the story is that the generation of today knows what is happening. Our job, as parents, is to have a frank discussion about sexuality and sex, the act, and…
Published: 2008-01-22
Author: Dr. Jaideep Singh Chadha

About the author or the publisher
I am en editor with one of the largest book publishing houses in India.
My preference is for non specialised articles relating to business, science, economic and global-interest.


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