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Matters from a Budding Atheist

atheist, atheism, philosophy, religion, christianity, mystery, God, life, Catholic Church, humans, Holy Rosary, Ten Commandments, seven deadly sins, hell, terrorism, terrorist, punishments, man, paradise

“That is mystery, we humans could hardly comprehend,” my teachers in Religion owe it to the statement each time they fail to answer my inquiries. I never pretend to be a profound theorist or a thinker of some importance. No, I am just person full of questions have been asked many times before. I am looking for someone to talk to about God. I have a slinky suspicion that He doesn’t exist. Here’s my story…
I’ve always asked questions about God and I’ve always hungered for answers. I’m not exactly ignorant about the teachings of the Catholic Church. From grade school to high school, I consistently get high in Religion and Bible quizzes in our batch. Back then, I have learned by heart the sets of mysteries of the Holy Rosary, the Ten Commandments, and the seven deadly sins.
But when I was a kid, I wished I were never born. Adults told me horrible descriptions of hell – the never-ending and inescapable fire, the ugly creatures, the weeping, and gnashing of teeth. Most people, I was told, will go to Satan’s lair. Even Moses, they said wasn’t allowed to see the land of promise simply because he knocked the stone twice when God’s instruction was to knock it only once. It must be practically impossible to go to heaven then, I thought.
As a kid, I always had feelings of guilt and I always thought I’d go to hell. Later, I realized, isn’t God the Alpha and the Omega? So He must’ve known even before my birth that I’m hell-bound. If He already knew that I would not qualify for heaven, why did he create me in the first place?
Among the arguments, I am struck by the argument of evil. It says that the existence of evil and suffering is incompatible with the existence of God. Evil and suffering exist. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.
Who created terrorists and corrupt officials? Why do people of these kinds continue to thrive in the planet? Tell me, my friend, why did God create mosquitoes? And would you believe a malnourished street child if he claims to be the son of a wealthy executive? Isn’t it even more improbable that the dirty street child has a father who is all-powerful and all-knowing at the same time? If God is perfect, how could He have created a world so imperfect?
Ours is a world of misery. Do you want proof? Watch the news. Around the globe, countless people die of unbearable ailments, and of violence. Let’s also mention natural calamities like hurricanes and typhoons that perennially claim lives and destroy property. How about sea and air tragedies? Why didn’t God raise a hand to calm the waves that sent ships and a million souls underneath the cold sea? Why has God been inept on his job? What difference has he to a police officer sleeping on duty?
Is God waiting for anyone to commit mistakes so He could impose punishments? Why does He always want to be praised? Or could it be that when He rested on the seventh day, He never woke up again? Why are there born with crowned heads while others are slaves and die the same? Among the continents, each has a perfect irony. At one corner, you’d see pathetic human beings aiming for food. At the other corner are reptiles in bulletproof castles.
“Life at times is unfair.” This statement might be a cliché but this is the best thing I learned. Why is God, the supposed creator of life, so unfair? We people have all the reasons to resent God. With all the feasts that we celebrate, the prayers that we observe and the statues that we venerate, we remain wretched with nowhere to go.
I believe that man is the only master of his destiny. If you’re dull, you’d still flunk the bar exams no matter how many candles you lit at your nearest church. I join the existentialists in their belief that the concept of God hinders the actualization of man’s full potentials. Maybe this is one reason why we’re crippled with poverty. We expect too much. To everything we say, “God will provide!”
It is with these that I suspect that God doesn’t exist. I maybe miserable, but so is everyone. I join Friedrich Nietzsche in asking: “Is man one of God’s blunders, or is God one of man’s blunders?”
But guess what? When huge waves swallow the earth, my instinct is still to hold a rosary and pray with trembling voice: “Oh, Lord, please forgive me!” I fear dying. Largely, the stories about hell have stuck to my mind. H.L. Menken was right: “Fear is the be-all and and-all of Religion.” One time in the internet, I chanced upon a website depicting a particular place as a paradise. If that certain place is paradise, I’m scared to imagine how hellish hell can be. But what could be more hellish than to live a whole life of fear, deception, and resentment because of a God that doesn’t exist!
Published: 2007-12-03
Author: Geraldine Santua

About the author or the publisher
My passion is writing.

I actually cannot live without a pen and a paper or a Personal Computer.

I write about everything - everything that comes into my mind - about the world in general. I usually love to comment on things that most people find common and normal. I tend to go on my own way.

I don't really bother what people say about me. I don't even care if they find me sooo weird. All I'm into is that as long as I can express my worthiness then I'm alive!

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