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Men are from Venus and women are from Mars.

men,women,mars, venus

Few calendars back, my friend presented a book to me on my 231/2 birthday-an epic on relationship between Men and Women. I don’t remember the author, as the title was so impressive and each time I looked at the front cover, I couldn’t see anything other than the title. “Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus”. Total number of pages would not be more than a silly but best-selling novel by Sidney Sheldon, but I couldn’t reach the last page until my 24th birthday.

There was nothing special about the book as I felt after reading few pages-Just a crazy author trying his best to popularize his book by referring men and women to be of different origin. According to him, Men and Women are bound to have different perspective and the only way to keep a relationship stable is to use encoding-decoding methods. A plethora of examples on various situations were adding the pages. If a woman says “No, I hate it” actually means “I don’t hate it but I Don’t like it either”. It looked ridiculous to me and stopped reading this book for a while.

How both can be different? Does a Man get birth from a Man and Woman from a Woman? Do they behave differently when both see the sky falling down? Do they hate love or do they love hate? To everything outside, their behavior is same but when it comes to mutual relationship, they are behaving dramatically different. On this ground, writing a complete book to target the bunch of people those are struggling with their relationships was an irrationally cruel idea. I threw the book somewhere in my bookshelf and allowed a layer of stain to make it unattractive for a while.

There were enormous trainings on human psychology in my company and I started liking the topic. In one session, there was a topic “Assertiveness” and we were taught eight magical methods to end a conversation in a win-win situation. I tried few techniques in my day-to-day life and became successful. The first benefit was from my telecom service provider against my complaint of activation of my changed rate plan. There were some technical problem from their side and it took more than 10 days to change the rate plan. For this ten days delay I was paying more than what I would pay with my new rate plan and it took almost an hour to convince the customer relationship officer and get the back-dated activation that saved almost three hundred bucks.

I tried to use these techniques in all the conversations with my love as my relationship with her was struggling for more than a year. Every transaction failed and these techniques in stead were giving disastrous results. I was not sure how these methods work magically when I use them on anyone except my love. Neither it’s because my love is a woman nor I was using them wrongly. The customer relationship officer was a woman and the methods worked. I concluded that wherever emotions were involved there no technique, no strategy, no gimmick makes any difference. The only method that works is power of emotion and the strength of truth. I discarded the techniques I learnt in the session and went along with the truth.
Sometime later, I realized truth, also, is not much powerful when you don’t use it effectively. Even though all I was telling was bare truth, but my love was not accepting it because it was bare. Then I became sure, before searching my shelf for the book, truth is not only about what happened in real, but also about surfacing it at right time using right words. I could say the truth whenever my love talked to me, but for truth to take effect I must decipher the signals that she was giving in each of her words.

I went through the book and if I have grasped all that the author wants his readers to understand and it was no different from the reason I started the book. The only message was to speak truth, but and strictly but, in a better way, at a better time and with a better mind. The methods are not standardized and it can never be. As every man is different so as every woman, understanding the words of the opposite sex should be left completely to the persons involved in the relationship. Then, probably the rate of disputes will come down and each relationship would be similarly happy in the end as in the beginning. None would ever curse the beginning day of their relationships and any author trying to write such a book and his publisher will go bankrupt.

After all, who else can understand better when your love says “No, I hate it” which actually means “I hate it and I hate it the most”.
Published: 2009-04-25
Author: kanhu badtia

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